Over the years the people I’ve been friends with have fluctuated remarkably. I’ve had really good friends and friends that were taking way too much out of me. But, it has always been hard for me to cut people out of my life even if they were hurting me instead of helping me.

Over the years I’ve had friends come into my life who ended up not really being that great of friends, especially in grade school. I’ve had friends who constantly put me down and would talk bad about me behind my back. I stayed with these people because I didn’t want to be without friends, and I also didn’t know how to tell people to take a hike. I was always reluctant to stand up for myself. I would stand up for others, but when it came to myself, I let people use me a lot. Then, I saw a video about doing what’s best for you. The video talked about it being okay to tell people it was time for us to part ways because if someone is causing you problems and is only hurting you, it is time for you to stand up for yourself. I really took this to heart. I’m someone who hates the idea of giving up on people, and telling someone it was over made me feel like I was giving up on them. Through that video and further contemplation I realized I wasn’t respecting myself if I continued to stay with these people. The only disservice I was doing was to myself not them.  So, I cut it off. When I let people go, after being upset for awhile, I feel better about who I am. I feel each time I learn more about the person I am and how strong I can be.

The theme of friends coming in and out of my life has been a recurring theme for a while. I’ll become friends with people, and then we stop being friends because the friendship is hurting me or they decided they don’t want to be friends. Of course, I have gathered friends who have been there for me and still continue to be, but having friendships fluctuate the way they did still made me question whether or not there is something wrong with me.

The people I’ve become friends with are often quite diverse and are usually very different from me. I don’t like to just stick with people who are exactly like me because I like to learn. If I’m with someone who is like me, I don’t feel I’m learning about humans or human nature because I think we live life also through other people and their experiences. So, I have had friends who are very against Catholics, liked to party, pro-choice, etc. As I’ve thought about my friendships more, it became apparent that the people who left me in friendships or I let go were the people who were very different from me. When discussing this with some of my Christian friends they said, “Obviously, they are the ones to leave because God doesn’t want you hanging out with people like that. God want’s you closer and not further away.” This didn’t sit well with me. To me it sounded as though we should never be friends with people different than us because they take us away from God. But who will bring them closer to God?

I didn’t go into any of my friendships with the intent of changing them or reforming them, but if you really believe in God, people should be able to tell just by your being. I think even if my friends didn’t realize it, they were attracted to my friendship because they knew it was different. And I think me being able to let people go or for them to walk away is just God’s way of saying, “You did what I wanted and now it is someone else’s turn.” I don’t think God ever intended for me to convert people but just to open up people to a different world. I always tell people I think God likes to give me hundreds of different paths to walk down because God knows I like to learn and because God insists on driving me crazy. Being friends with different people has caused me to see life through a lot of different perspectives and getting a lot of experiences that otherwise I wouldn’t have gotten.

So as I look back at failed friendships and look forward to more new friendships to come, I find myself not upset but happy and ready to get to learn more about myself and experience life from the point of view of so many different people.

– Lake

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one.'” – C.S. Lewis